I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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