It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
