when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
