When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
