Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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