i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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