I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
