i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
