ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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