his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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