did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
