haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think your dad took our porno
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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