I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
