and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
