If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
