Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
