Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize