I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You dont lie about slip and slides
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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