the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
