the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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