somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
