Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
