I hate your face
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
