shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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