i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sex in a hospital.. check
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
