I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
