Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
sex in a hospital.. check
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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