I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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