I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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