She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i came on her dog
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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