Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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