I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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