I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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