I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
