I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize