hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
