She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
