i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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