Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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