i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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