Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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