I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
