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• (818): View more from California

  Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

  (818): View more from California

  Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

  (818): View more from California

  And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..

  (630): View more from Illinois

  how did he take it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  not as well as i would have thought

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  Where is everybody?

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him

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