at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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