I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
