Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
