Christians are straight up FREAKS
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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