Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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