what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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