My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
