I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i black out too much to be "responsible"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
