nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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