Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
