Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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