My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
