Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
