Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
