Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
