yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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