I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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