Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
