3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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