and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
