Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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