I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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