i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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