Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I fill condoms, not promises.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
