It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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